Listen up!

Class is in session.

Have you ever sent a letter to this column? If so, you know that I try to respond to your queries as soon as possible. Yes, I know "as soon as possible" might be a few (several) months, but I have a lot to do here at the International Wrestling Academy -- this column is just the tip of the iceberg. Yesterday in Language Arts class, for example, I spent nine hours trying to teach The Great Khali how to say his own name. It wasn't pretty. As for your e-mails, let's just say that if you sent one this calendar year, I'm all over it. Maybe. If you wrote before that, and I haven't responded yet -- I must have been busy. Nothing personal.

With that out of the way, let's get to the latest and greatest letters sent to the great one (that would be me), followed by a pithy response.

Dear Professor: You say you're from "Parts Unknown." What exactly does that mean? Is it like a chicken nugget? You know. Parts. Unknown. Just wondering. -- Kevin

Kevin, what are you talking about? A chicken nugget is a THING, Parts Unknown is a PLACE. You really need to get a day job.

Dear Professor: Is it true that you have no idea what you're talking about most of the time, and you just make this junk up as you go along? That's what someone told me. -- Morrison

Morrie, who are you listening to? Mrs. Professor? At the end of this column is a LONG LIST of "Previous Lectures." I invite you to read them all. When you're done, you'll realize I'm probably one of the greatest wrestling minds on planet Earth -- if not the greatest. Get reading.

Dear Professor: You are a stupid, idiotic, dumb, jerky doofus. Why do you write a column about something that's fake? You should be a garbage man instead. -- Sharon

I love it when my mother-in-law writes in. Oh well. Next letter!

Dear Professor: I read your column all the time, and generally I like it. Well, most of the time. Anyway, when you do the Friday pay-per-view predictions, you always say that you'll "be amazed at my accuracy." The thing is, when Monday morning rolls around, you get maybe half the matches right. How can you say one day, "I'll be perfect," and then two days later, not be perfect? I don't get it. -- Isaiah

Isaiah, making predictions on already-scripted entertainment is a little like coaching Little League baseball. First, you tell the kids you're great. Then, after the game -- win or lose -- you tell them how great you are again. It's that simple. OK?

Dear Professor: I will personally shoot my television if WWE ever gives the belt to that loser, Shawn Michaels. I can't stand that guy and have never, ever seen what everybody says is so great about him. Bleeeeech. -- Karen

Karen, you have got to be kidding me. Shawn Michaels, without a doubt is THE BEST WRESTLER WWE HAS ON ITS ROSTER! Week in, week out, this guy does nothing but deliver. How good is he? Well, if you want to hear more on the subject, DOWNLOAD the Professor Wrestling podcast, "OLD SCHOOL, NEW SCHOOL." Episode 29 is right at your fingertips, kids. It stars yours truly, Dr. Mike Lano and George Schire. Miss it not.

Dear Professor: I just had to write to you about the latest episode of "RAW." The man who "beat up" Michaels, Edge, and Orton, was The Great Khali? What in the world are they thinking in Stamford? The man cannot wrestle and he is a bore. To give this moron a big push is a bad move. No one even cares what this man does, and despite all of the selling that Jim Ross and The King were trying to do, I just went to bed disgusted. He is a disgrace. -- Michael

Michael, all I can say is that I agree with you 100 percent. Khali is awful, and I have a hard time thinking anyone will pay to see a John Cena-Khali title match. To echo Karen above: Bleeeeech!

Dear Professor: Here are some random thoughts. ECW stinks. It's time to pull the plug.
TNA. Good effort, but becoming predictable.
Do something different with Booker T, he has earned it.
Hardy Boys. The '90s called. They want their clothes back.
Finally, Vince's time is done. Time to turn the show over to Shane. -- Steve-O

Well, Stephen, I'm going to agree with all of your points, except for one. Vince McMahon is at the top of his game when it comes to acting. He's usually great every time he hits the screen. I'm not jazzed about him being ECW champion, but other than that, he knows what he's doing when he gets a microphone in his hand.

Dear Professor: I just read your column on the Four Horsemen DVD. So, who would your choices be for the New Four Horsemen? I would pick Mr. Kennedy, Chris Benoit, Batista and Carlito. I would also add a hot valet to escort Flair down to the ring. -- Steve

Steve, I like your picks. Nothing needs to change. Perhaps Benoit and Batista could learn how to be more dynamic on the mic, but that's about it.

Well kids, another good round of letters this time around! Again, if I didn't answer it already -- or you didn't see it here -- sorry about that. Sometimes e-mail gets accidentally deleted. But try again!

Remember: no matter what I do, what I say, or what happens in this column -- I'm still the greatest. Heck, I'm a professor. Of wrestling. What more could you possibly want?

Now scram!

Class is dismissed!

(Professor Wrestling is a masked employee of Internet Broadcasting. Got a question, comment, complaint? E-mail him right here. )