I have a really hard time listening.

When I'm introduced to people for the first time, I care about their names, but I suddenly shut my ears when a person says, "I'm INSERT NAME."

Then I'm constantly backtracking, wondering how in the world I'm going to figure out New Guy's name so I don't embarrass myself and call him my dog's name.

I also find myself staring blankly at a co-worker -- who I already know -- who is trying to tell me a story as I'm trying to remember what my boss just told me about some e-mail I forgot to read.

In meetings, I hate missing the punchline of a joke, even if it's my co-worker's latest know-it-all revelation or political diatribe.

I'm not an egomaniac who doesn't care about others. I'm preoccupied and lazy.

I used to think I was good at listening, the kind of person friends look to in sticky situations, but now I realize I have to work harder.

I once met a famous sportscaster who said that to learn a person's name quickly, he uses it often in conversation. "Nice to meet you, Laura." "So tell me, Laura, what kind of work do you do?"

It really annoyed me when I met him, but now he'll most likely know my name. So I tried this trick at a meeting recently with about 12 people I had never met face to face.

I made a point of saying, "Nice to meet you, Denise," rather than just glossing over her name. I don't know if it made the people feel more appreciated, but it helped me feel like I was finally listening.

Work situations are always an important time to listen. I don't want to miss the ins and outs of an assignment and I should establish good rapport with my colleagues.

I have to learn to shut down my celebrity gossip Web site when a person walks into my cubicle and look them in the eye as they tell me about the great dinner they had last night and ask me what I did. It's definitely better to offer a real answer than "Uh huh" as I keep reading about Madonna's African adoption.

When I step into a social setting it can be even harder to focus. There are so many distractions, bits of conversation coming at me from everywhere that are sometimes, dare I say, more interesting than the one in front of me.

I don't think I lack the ability to concentrate, but I want to keep on top of everything going on in the room. Sometimes the real news can be overheard, rather than told directly.

But that's unfair to the person in front of me, who may really need someone to listen, no matter how silly the story. Even the blowhard who talks nonstop about useless trivia deserves an engaged audience for at least a few minutes.

Beyond the meetings and cocktail parties, the most important time to listen is when a friend in need calls or pulls me aside to spill her guts about anything from a breakup to a career debacle. I know then there is no time for a lazy listener. I have to rise to the occasion and put on my active ears.

The last thing I want to do is miss the name of the new crush she has and then accidentally call him the name of the last one. This is not a dire situation, but it could be for her. If she's telling me about it, it's important.

Listening is not a passive activity. I can't just sit there and soak it all up. I have to tune in to the person talking and engage myself either by listening, nodding my head when appropriate or asking relevant questions. I have to be there for the conversation, not in another world where I care more about what I'm going to wear to that wedding than what's happening in the present moment.

It's not an easy business, but it's the courtesy I want others to grant me, even if I'm talking ad nauseum about window treatments, kitchen countertops or a great bargain at TJ Maxx.

By tuning out, I may be missing the chance to connect with someone. So it's time to tune in and keep my ears in top form.

After all, I'd hate to miss a compliment.