Dear DoubleTake,
I've been with my boyfriend for six months. Once, while I was at his place, he left his computer on and his cell phone in the living room. For some reason, I decided to snoop. I didn't find anything interesting in his cell phone, but I was able to login to his MySpace page on the computer and found he'd been sending messages to random women, introducing himself and giving out his phone number.
I want to confront him, but we've been having problems. Two weeks ago, he told me he needed space and time to think. Now I'm thinking when he said he needed "space," he really meant he needed to see what else is out there.
I have no proof that he's actually met anyone in person, but isn't sending messages and giving out his number bad enough? Should I let this go? Or is this part of the so-called space?
For the past week, we've been spending time together and he said he had enough time apart. He said I cause tension and as long as there's no tension or nagging, then we're fine. I don't know if that's an excuse or what.

BETTY SAYS:

This guy sounds fickle. One day he's asking for space, the other he says he's had enough of it. Odds are he doesn't even know what he wants.

That said, you did initiate some of this this drama by snooping. I'm a snooper myself -- it's just so tempting to peek at a guy's private correspondence when you have a feeling something's up.

I say go with your gut on this one. Be honest with yourself about where he is in his life, and if he has the maturity to hold up in a long-term relationship. Ask yourself if that tension he mentions is real, or if it indeed feels like an excuse to take off.

Luckily, you may have some leads with the MySpace discovery. If he is more concerned with seeming single to all the other girls out there than keeping on with you, I say it's time to give him space forever.

EDDIE SAYS:

Unless he says that his time apart made it clear he wants only you, then he probably doesn't. And you can't respect his privacy in the least, so you clearly shouldn't be with him, either. Just end it now and save your neighbors the trouble of hearing the shouting and your friends all the complaining phone calls.

Before you get with someone else, spend some time pondering what it means that a man who wants to be with you has to keep his personal electronics under lock and key or risk you rifling through and looking for reasons to start fights.

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Dear Double Take,
I have been in a relationship for eight years now.
Two years ago I found out that my fiance had a 2-year-old child.
We managed to work things out because we get along great; We still act as if we just meet.
He does not see this child because he does not believe that she is his -- although he signed child-support papers. He later claimed he only did it because he felt pressure and was worried the mother would tell me about their one-night stand.
I insist that he get to know the girl and spend time with her. He's making an effort now, and is taking the mother to court because she refuses to let the daughter go for visits.
Should I stay out of this, or am I telling him the right thing? I believe the child is his. If he doesn't think so, he can get her and take a DNA test later.
I need closure and can't help but wonder that this child is missing out on a great dad.

EDDIE SAYS:

Maybe this seems overly rational, but I see no reason to wait on tests to determine if he really did father this girl.

Would you still want this young girl in your life if he's not the real father? Probably not, so getting her attached to your man when the rug may be pulled out from under her feet later seems unfair to everyone involved.

Not to mention the money being given for her care, which may not be his responsibility.

Once that's settled, you can plot a course with confidence about how to deal with this surprising step-child and her mother.

BETTY SAYS:

How about the three of you get on a syndicated talk show and brawl it out over paternity test results? Just kidding.

If anything, his heart has been in the right place this whole time by signing child-support papers and by fighting for visitation rights. If she is indeed his child, it sounds like it will have a positive outcome for everybody.

However, this modern-day life demands proof. Get the DNA tests done.

As for your role as his fiance, keep your cool and your distance in the meantime, and just wait and see what happens.

• Disagree With Double Take? Offer Your Own Advice

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

To be considered for publication, please keep letters to fewer than 300 words. If you feel more background information is needed, consider adding it as a postscript. Because of the volume of the mail received, Eddie and Betty offer advice only to the letters that are chosen for publication.

Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.

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