There are five months until my wedding and I find myself on a Web site I'd never thought I'd visit: TrimSpa.com.

You probably recognize the name from the ads featuring a newly skinny Anna Nicole Smith next to the formerly fat Anna.

I'm always in the mood to drop a few pounds, but I haven't considered using pills that promise to block fat and suppress appetite since I was going through my "have to be skinny as possible" teenage phase.

But now I am right where I don't want to be, consumed about what I will look like on my wedding day and considering drastic options that may only work for millionaire widows who have all the time in the world to work out.

Looking through the few bridal magazines I purchased doesn't help either. The brides look so glamorous and perfect next to their skinny, scantily clad maids. All the articles point to having the right look and wearing the right hairdo for my big day.

This pressure to look perfect is too much. It's so ingrained that it's hard to escape even if I throw away all the magazines and block the wedding Web sites.

I have said I never had fantasies about my wedding, but when I tried on my dress with the veil and headpiece and decided it was the one, I realized I did have thoughts about what look I was striving for.

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Now I'm working on the rest of that look: I have to get my hair and nails done; I have to look as skinny as possible in the dress; my makeup has to be just so; I can't for the life of me be pale.

I can't just forget about it, because I can't forget that all eyes will be on me. As I walk down the aisle, as I share that first dance -- it's the most crucial appearance I've ever made.

I've been a wedding watcher myself and know what the catty minds in the congregation are thinking.

"Her dress is way too big."
"Why isn't she wearing makeup?!"
"She better stay away from that wedding cake."

Let's not forget that I get to share the admiring yet conspiring eyes with my groom. But really, how hard is it to look good in a tux? All he really needs to consider is the haircut, which will only stand out if it's a mullet or some other unfortunate design.

Jack, however, is focusing on the critical eye of the photographer, not other people. Just when I thought it would be good enough to look fabulous for the guests, he made me consider that those images will be permanent when they land on glossy paper.

As my foreshadowing fiance sees it, those photographs set the bar for the rest of your life. "Look how much weight we gained since the wedding," we'll say. "Those were the good days, huh?"

As I bite my nails -- forgetting that won't help my manicured look -- I look to my married friends for some clarity.

My newlywed friend assures me she went through the same thing. She wanted her wedding to have a certain feel, wanted to look glamorous and elegant, and it didn't exactly go as planned. She wanted her hair to frame her face differently, she wanted to smile differently in the photographs.

But the bottom line is she looked happy. What's more beautiful than that?

I am marrying the man I love, so I can strive for perfection. But looking happy won't be any problem.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.