When did "nice" become a bad word? Nice may not sound exciting, but it's certainly better than "jerk."

I'm tired of watching women and men I know waste their time with people who are no good for them.

"I don't like a guy unless he's a jerk," Karen* said to me the other day. Admittedly, Karen finds a man more interesting if he's not there for her. Despite offers from decent guys, she'd rather carry a torch for the man who requires more effort.

I watch as the jerk du jour throws her a bone, only to disappear for a time. She holds onto those little moments until he graces her with his presence yet again. She'll make comments about how he's not good enough, but he's certainly good at holding her attention.

So why would anyone waste time on someone who doesn't respect her?

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As my family and friends will not hesitate to confirm, I've dated a few losers who have toyed with my emotions.

There was the guy who told me I was the coolest girl he'd ever met, the female version of him. A week later he told me he couldn't date me anymore because he didn't like me. Perhaps he stopped liking himself, and rightly so.

In some cases, I think I entertained men from the loser list because I enjoy a challenge, twisted as that may sound. And it doesn't help when he plays along. That only fuels me more.

I've seen men do something similar, mistaking bitchiness for passion and challenge.

A big part comes from not knowing what you want. Maybe you don't have enough relationship experience to realize the one you're in isn't right. I think when you ask yourself, "Is it more pain than pleasure?" you'll know.

My friend Alex believes insecurity is to blame for dating people who aren't right for us. The insecure person puts too much stock in what another person thinks of him or her, giving an unworthy outsider too much credit.

My friend Joanne, meanwhile, seems to treat "the jerk" as a project. She hangs onto the idea that she alone sees the good in the offensive person, that she will prove others wrong about him. Yet, if she were to really change him the project, or relationship, would be over.

And I can't deny that oftentimes I really like the person who doesn't always do right by me. I can see his faults but I like being with him, at least for the time.

Still, I can't help but feel foolish when I see men use the "tragedy of the nice guy" as a come on. A male acquaintance of mine explains to single ladies, "It's hard to find women because I'm sooooo nice ... but I know ... (sigh)... I'll win in the end." Maybe that works for him, but I find it pretty insulting.

The sad thing is, genuinely nice men sometimes think they're doing something wrong.

My friend, Jack, a basically upstanding guy, really believes he can't be nice all the time. He thinks women perceive nice as wimpy. For him, the best route to take is to be nice as he normally would but make sure she sees his "not so nice" side.

"Sometimes I'll criticize her intelligence. Women like bad boys," he says with a smirk. Wait, didn't I say he was one of the good ones?

For most, it's the excessive availability and readiness that often puts a nice guy in the "friend" rather than "romantic interest" category. A guy should want to spend time with me, but he should maintain his own plans that may not include me.

So how can a man be nice without appearing desperate? I believe the best way is to express interest, ask her out, then let her follow up. Show as much interest as you want, do what comes naturally, but show her you've got your own life without her and aren't up for playing games. If she doesn't appreciate you, move on.

For women who keep dating jerks, keep in mind that you should expect as much from partners as you do from friends. If you wouldn't let a friend ignore your calls and e-mails, then why let a partner do the same? It's ridiculous to lower your standards for anyone.

And keep it in perspective. If you have to work your way through a few unworthy ones to find someone deserving, it really is worth the journey. Above all, there is nothing wrong with nice. Because at some point you realize that it's not about the car he drives, the "sexy" way he doesn't show up for dinner. It's about how he treats you, how you feel about yourself when you're around him.

I remember thrilling moments with the wrong guys, but I can't remember feeling too great waiting by the phone for the next one.

And if you insist on dating a jerk, make sure you take what you want from him, keeping an eye out for a guy who will treat you right.

*Some names changed.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.