Three Dog Night was playing at a local outdoor bar, and we all wanted to see the show. It seemed like a casual way to meet, rather than over a stuffy dinner with potentially awkward silences.

I am always nervous the first time my parents meet anyone I date, but this time around it was even more nerve-wracking. Jeff was almost 10 years older, and he wasn't the most conservative guy in town. But my parents are pretty cool, I really liked Jeff, so it was time for them to meet.

Little did I know that Jeff thought it would be the time to encourage my dad to drink tequila shots with him. My dad isn't a teetotaler, but the last time he had tequila was at his bachelor party. And I don't think he wanted to try it again, especially with a guy who was going to be driving his daughter home that night. My dad declined, despite Jeff's attempts to show him how it's done.

LIFE FILES Share Your Romantic Summer Memories E-mail our advice columnists Life Files Archive

Needless to say, my parents didn't like Jeff too much. I can't blame them totally, but he really meant a lot to me. The fact that my parents never liked him made it more difficult to be with him and essentially created a distance between my parents and me. I tried to minimize the relationship in their eyes to avoid conflict.

I keep replaying that scenario with Jeff as I gear up for my new guy to meet my parents. I realize meeting the parents is not just a nightmare for me, though. There's a whole nightmarish "reality" TV show devoted to it, and I'm sure many of you have seen the movie.

No matter how many times I remind myself that a meeting isn't strictly necessary unless we're talking marriage, to me it is. My parents mean a lot to me, and I want to include them in my life as much as possible. I want Jack to meet them because they helped make me who I am today, which is the same reason I want to meet his parents -- to see where he comes from, where he gets that sense of humor and disturbing attraction to jean shorts.

And as I get older and more inclined to a commitment, I realize how important it is that whoever I end up with gets along with my family. I'm not looking for him to be best friends with my dad, but it wouldn't hurt if they could at least play some bad golf together every so often.

So what makes it such a nightmare? Perhaps it's because we all seek approval, especially from our parents and people we respect. It's one thing that your girlfriends think he's cute, but for your parents to find him smart and funny is priceless.

The hard part is that meeting the parents often turns into more of a review process than an actual meeting. My parents could be the sweetest people in the world, but all of the sudden I envision them with clipboards holding scorecards, totaling his faults and attributes.

It's like I'm back in second grade running home with an "A" paper. Yet, finding a great guy is not technically an accomplishment. It's not like I need my parents to say, "Good job." Really, why should I care what they think about the guy I date? I'm the one dating him. They aren't around to see the relationship on a day-to-day basis.

So while I do value what they think and would love us to get along famously, I realize that my parents' approval is just a bonus. It's important, but not essential.

SURVEY Do your parents usually like your partners? Yes, otherwise the relationships would be over. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. They hate my choices. I keep those two worlds separate. Results | Disclaimer

It's hard enough to meet someone worthwhile without having to date for someone else's tastes. I tried dating a guy I thought the family would love, and he bored me right until we broke up. And they never really thought much of him anyway.

I guess all parents have expectations or wishes for their children, even in their romantic lives. Unfortunately, I've never found that tall football player that my mom always pictured waiting for me at the end of the aisle. But I know more than that surface stuff, what matters to my parents is that I'm happy with someone who treats me right, which is why they will like Jack, or at least I hope so.

To make it easier on Jack, I gave him a few pointers before meeting the parents, even if he doesn't need them. They apply to everyone.

Above all, be yourself. But don't drink too much. Offer to pay even if though you won't have to. Bring a gift, even if it's really small. Don't paw me even if I look irresistible.

And save the tequila shots for when we get home.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.